Menace Of Parental Estrangement In The World

Parental estrangement is a painful and complex issue that affects millions of families across all latitudes of the world, with disastrous implications for emotional distress, social isolation, loneliness, and long-lasting consequences for elderly parents, and their adult children. Wherever you go, you will see lonely elderly parents who lack food, clothes, shelter, and healthcare delivery services. Their adult sons and daughters are in the cities of their own countries, or have even migrated to other far away countries in quest of greener pastures to survive. Their hungry and helpless aged parents at the rural areas are depending on them for survival, whereas their children in the cities are earnestly struggling to succeed in the face of harsh economic conditions. Many of these adult children in the cities who have elderly parents at home are unemployed. Many of them receive very small wages at the end of the month. Their wages are unable to meet the financial needs of the nuclear family, not to talk of caring for elderly parents at home. The other category is doing well. The aged parents at home do not understand what their children at the cities are going through: unemployment, high cost of living, chidren's school fees, rising tenement rates, rising medical bills, and other problems. Yes, their sons and daughters in the cities truly wish to care for them. Unfortunately, they are unable to do so due to the financial crisis they are going through. Some of them who are privileged to be successful are not willing to care for their aged parents at home. 

What are the causes of parental estrangement? The causes of parental estrangement include:

* Social and cultural factors: 

1. Changing family values:

In some cultures, the traditional value of caring for elderly parents has been totally eroded and forgotten, leading to increased trends of estrangement. Differing values or lifestyles such as religion or political beliefs or loyalty, job choices, can lead to parental estrangement. 

2. Urbanization and migration:

As families move to cities or migrate to other countries in search of greener meadows, elderly parents are left behind at home because their adult children cannot migrate with them. This ascending trend of migration leads to parental estrangement.

3. Nuclear family structures: 

The shift from extended family structures to nuclear family after marriage can lead to elderly parents being estranged. 

4. Unresolved family conflicts can create tension and emotional separation, leading to parental estrangement.

5. Divorce and separation among parents lead to fractured families, resulting to adult children taking sides with either of their parents, leading to estrangement.

 * Economic factors:

1  Financial constraints:

Families may feel unable and encumbered to support their elderly parents financially, leading to estrangement.

2. Lack of social security:

In some countries, the lack of social security systems or pension plan can leave elderly parents vulnerable to estrangement.

3. High cost of living:

The high cost of caring for elderly parents, including medical expenses and caregiving services, can be a significant burden on families, leading to estrangement.

* Personal factors:

1. Emotional strain:

Caring for an elderly parent can be emotionally draining on adult children's finances, leading to burnout and estrangement.

2. Lack of emotional connection: 

In some cases, adult children do not have a strong emotional connection with their elderly parents, paving the way for estrangement.

3. Personal priorities:

Families may prioritize their own needs and goals over the needs of their elderly parents, leading to estrangement. This is very common in families where the wives control their husbands. Many daughter-inlaws do not want their husbands to care for their elderly parents. They (wives) usually bring their own aged parents and siblings to their husbands houses to take care of them, while demanding that their husbands should forget their own aged parents and family members because of lack of finances. This is what is happening everywhere in many parts of the world! The aged parents of the husbands always loose out. They do not get as much attention and care as the aged parents of the wives. This is my personal observation over the years.

* Health-related factors:

1. Chronic illnesses:

Elderly parents with chronic illnesses such as dementia or Alzheimer's disease, may require extensive care which their adult children are not able to handle, leading to estrangement. 

2. Disability:

Elderly parents with disabilities may require specialized care, which can be a significant financial brunt for the families to bear. The situation may lead to estrangement.

3. Mental health issues:

Elderly parents with mental health issues such as depression or anxiety, may be estranged by families which are unable or unwilling to provide the necessary support.

* Systemic factors:

1. Lack of support services:

In some countries, the lack of support services, such as home care or adult care day, can make it difficult for families to care for their elderly parents.

2. Inadequate healthcare delivery services:

Inadequate healthcare delivery service systems or lack of access to healthcare services can exacerbate the challenges of caring for elderly parents.

3. Social isolation:

Social  isolation can exacerbate the challenges of caring for elderly parents, making it more likely that they will be estranged. 

These are just a few possible reasons that elderly parents are estranged by their adult children and families. The situations may be unique, there may be other factors at play. The impact of estrangement on elderly parents include:

1. Emotional trauma, feelings of rejection, and low self-esteem

2. Social isolation, loneliness, and disconnection with family and community

3. Increased risk of depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues

4. Physical health problems, such as cardiovascular diseases due to chronic stress and emotional pain

5. Financial hardship faced by elderly parents

6. Adult children may on the other hand may struggle with guilt, shame, regret, and low self-esteem.

To address the issue of parental estrangement, solutions and strategies can be explored:

1. Family therapy to facilitate open communication, understanding, and conflict resolution

2. Individual therapy for both aged parents and adult children to address emotional wounds, develop coping strategies, and work towards reconciliation

3. Support groups for elderly parents and adult children to share experiences, receive emotional support, and connect with others who understand their struggles

4. Mediation services to help families navigate conflicts and work towards resolution

There are many notable cases of elderly parents neglected and estranged by their own adult children. They include:

1. Kamla Devi (India):

In 2019, a 90-year-old woman was abandoned by her adult children and left to fend for herself in a New Delhi hospital.

2. Maria Coltorti (Italy): 

In 2018, a 70-year-old Maria Coltorti was left to die in her apartment by her own biological adult children, who had been neglecting her for many years.

3. Ariel Sharon (Israel): 

Omri Sharon, son of former Israeli Prime Minister, Ariel Sharon, was accursed of abandoning his father (Ariel Sharon) during his father's illness and trial time.

4. Margaret Thatcher (UK):

After leaving office as the Prime Minister of United Kingdom, Mrs. Margaret Thatcher complained publicly that her son, Mark Thatcher, abandoned her to loneliness and solitude. 

5. And a lot of other innumerable cases

In all the countries and regions of the world, there are several cases of elderly parents who were abandoned or estranged by their own adult children, and they were left to die in loneliness and privations. Now, why do children whom parents suffered so much to train from cradle of their infancy to adulthood, turn against the parents who sacrificed everything to raise them? It is simply because while their parents fed them, sheltered them, clothed them, paid school fees for them, paid medical bills, and loved them lavishly till they became adults, they (their parents) left out something very significant. Their children were taught and given everything. Yes! But, unfortunately, there is something missing that their parents did not teach them. Their parents failed to teach them 'gratitude'. They were not taught to show gratitude for whatever good thing they received from anybody (whether big or small thing), including their parents. Most parents truly love their children beyond description. If chidren are not told that they are indebted to their parents who will be aged tomorrow, how would they know that life operates on the pivot of give and take. Parents should love their children lavishly. Yes, I advocate for children's total well-beings. You know that I do. But, they should be clearly reminded that their parents who are presently working assiduously round the clock to give them all the necessary comfort and training today, will get old tomorrow, and shall be unable to fend for themselves. They should be informed that they will be responsible for the upkeep and caring of their elderly parents in future. If parents fail to open their mouths to say this to them, they may feel that it is not compulsory or obligatory to take responsibility of parents at old age, after all. They should know that they are bound to reciprocate all that you are doing for them in future when you grow old. The children need to know this so that when they want to marry in future, they will not marry someone who would reject or stand against their obligation to take care of their aged parents. Children are not born with accumulated wisdom in the brain. They cannot know what they are not taught. So, tell them from the cradle to prepare to take care of you when you grow old. Ensure that you say this to them though it may not be too often. It is disheartening to discover that many elderly parents, especially in the Western world, end up depending on welfare in Government's retirement homes, after having laboured so much to train children who are now qualified medical doctors, lawyers, engineers, and professional accountants. Why should parents whose sons and daughters are learned and successful in their respective areas of specialization end up with parents who have no children, nor trained anyone? So, what is the line of distinction between them? What does a husband or wife stand to gain if after spending much resources to train his/ her child or children and then end up in Government's welfare quarters or retirement homes where husbands and wives who did not have children live till death? It does not make any sense at all, believe me. The prevalence and complexity of parental estrangement highlights the need for compassionate understanding, support, and effective solutions to address this sensitive issue. 

In conclusion, addressing parental estrangement requires empathy, understanding, and willingness to seek help, reconcile faltered relationships, and rebuild connections, allowing families to heal, grow, unite, and thrive despite past conflicts and challenges.

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