Character Traits To Avoid When Choosing A Husband Or Wife

 Choosing a life partner is one of the most significant decisions an individual can make in his/ her life. While it is natural to be swept in the romance and excitement of a new relationship, it is essential to consider the long-term implications of marrying someone with certain character traits. Some individuals may exhibit behaviours or characteristics that can be detrimental to a healthy and fulfilling marriage. Here are some character traits to avoid when choosing a husband or wife, and why they can be dangerous to be your husband or wife. These character traits include:

1. The Manipulator:

A manipulator uses guilt, or self-pity to control his/ her partner's behaviour. The manipulator may use gaslighting tactics to make his/ her partner to doubt his/ her own perception or sanity. A manipulator can be toxic in a relationship, making his/ her partner feel trapped, helpless, anxious, or uncertain. In a marriage, a manipulator can use his/ her tactics to dictate every aspect of the spouse's life, leading to emotional exhaustion and resentment. 

2. The Narcissist:

A narcissist is someone who has an excessive love or interest in himself/ herself and in his/ her own needs, desires, and priorities. The narcissist may be charming to the admiration of outsiders initially, but his/ her self-absorption can be suffocating in a relationship. A narcissist partner may be unwilling to listen, yield to advices, empathize, or compromise, making it difficult to build a healthy and fulfilling relationship. In marriage, the narcissist can prioritize his/ her own needs and desires over his/ her partner's, leading to feelings of neglect and resentment. 

3. The Addict:

An addict is someone who has a compulsive dependence on a substance or behaviour. Addiction can lead to a range of problems, including financial instability, health issues, and relationship conflicts. An addict may prioritize his/ her own addiction over his/ her partner's needs, leading to feelings of neglect and betrayal. In a marriage, an addict's behaviour can create a sense of uncertainty and stress, making it challenging to build trust and intimacy.

4. The Abuser:

An abuser is someone who uses physical, emotional, or verbal aggression to control his/ her partner. Abuse can take many forms, including physical violence, intimidation, and manipulation. An abuser may use tactics like gaslighting, blame-shifting, or isolation to maintain control over his/ her partner. In a marriage, abuse can lead to physical harm, emotional trauma, and even long-term psychological damage.

5. The Irresponsible Partner:

An irresponsible partner is someone who shirks his/ her responsibilities, whether it is financial, emotional, or practical. He/ she may be unreliable, flaky, or in consistently late, leading to frustration and resentment in his/ her partner. In a marriage, an irresponsible partner can create a sense of burden and stress, making it challenging to build a strong and healthy relationship.

6. The Dishonest Partner:

A dishonest partner is one who lies, cheats, or withholds information to achieve his/ her goals or avoid consequences. Dishonesty can erode trust and create a sense of uncertainty in a relationship. In marriage, dishonesty can lead to feelings of betrayal and mistrust, making it challenging to build a strong and healthy relationship.  

7. The Angry Partner: 

One of the worst things that can happen to a husband or wife is to marry an angry partner. Anger is the cause of domestic violence which has caused the deaths of many partners in the world. It is on record that any man or woman who marries an angry partner cannot enjoy the relationship. The spouse is only one inch away from death. Angry husbands and wives can kill their partners. Do not marry them no matter what you stand to gain from the relationship. Let angry husbands and wives marry each other! Marriage with angry partner leads to failure of relationship because it creates a toxic environment, erodes trust, and can escalate into domestic violence. An angry man or woman should not be your spouse. 

8. The Jealous Partner:

This can lead to marriage failure because it fosters mistrust, possessiveness, and control, making one partner feel suffocated and resentful. 

9. The Stingy Partner:

Do not marry any stingy man or woman. You will end up hating the relationship. Stingy people do not spend money to take care of themselves, not to talk of taking care of his/ her partner and children. While their monies are lodged in the banks, their families are crying and roasting in hardship. Stinginess can lead to marriage failure because it creates financial stress, reflects a lack of trust and generosity. It leads to feelings of resentment and frustration. 

10. The Jobless Partner: 

It leads to marriage failure because it creates financial strain, erodes self-esteem, and can cause feelings of burden and resentment to the other partner. 

To determine if your potential spouse has bad character traits, consider the following signs and red flags:

* Observe his/ her behaviours:

1. Consistency:

Find out if his/ her words and actions align. Does he/ she promise and fulfill the promise? Does he/ she follow through on commitments?

2. Respect:

How does your husband-to-be or wife-to-be treat other people? Is he/ she kind, courteous, and respectful? 

3. Emotional intelligence:

Can your husband-to-be or wife-to-be manage his/ her emotions, empathize with others, and communicate effectively?

4. Accountability:

Does he/ she take responsibility for his/ her actions? Does he/ she blame others for his/ her own wrong-doings and give excuses? Is he/ she corrigible? Does he/ she accept mistakes?

* Watch for red flags:

1. Control: 

Does your husband-to-be or wife-to-be always try to control your actions, decisions, or emotions? 

2. Manipulation: Does he/ she use guilt, anger, or self-pity to get what he/ she wants? 

3. Dishonesty:

Is he/ she a dishonest man or woman? Does he/ she lie to you? Does he/ she hide information from you? Do not do business with any dishonest person. Do not marry them! 

4. Disrespectfulness:

Is he/ she disrespectful? Does he/ she belittle, mock, or criticize you, especially in the presence of others? Does he/ she speak derogatory words against you, your parents, and tribe? 

5. Lack of empathy:

Does he/ she show compassion and understanding when you are upset or struggling? 

* Evaluate your relationship:

1. Past relationships: 

Was he/ she in a relationship in the past? If so, find out how he/ she handled the past relationship. What led to the break-up (if any)? Are there red flags or patterns of unhealthy behaviours? Do not marry a divorced man or woman without knowing what led to the divorce. The Bible asked a question, "Can a leopard change its skin?" Bad characters do not easily die! Can angry spouses change easily? Can cheating husbands and wives change easily? Can stingy spouses become generous and charitable overnight? 

2. Friendships:

Does he/ she have healthy, supportive friendships? How does he/ she interact with friends? Find out the type of friends he/ she is associating with. 

3. Family dynamics:

How does your husband-to-be or wife-to-be relate to family members? Are there signs of dysfunction or conflicts? 

* Take your time:

1. Do not rush into the marriage:

Get to him/ her gradually. Do not be under pressure to make decision quickly. If possible, test him/ her. I know one man who tested the girl he intended to marry. He pretended to be drunk when he visited her. He soaked part of his clothes in alcohol; and he was smelling. The girl and her parents did not reject him. The girl ensured that she took care of him. She did not know that it was a test. If you have an appointment with him/ her, you can purposely go late and observe his/ her reaction to your lateness. Observe if he/ she can stop talking angrily when you tell him/ her to do so. If he/ she is treating you so good at the beginning, it is good. But, that does not mean much. It does not change things in future if the person is bad. It does not change his/ her characteristic trait at all. Costly gifts at the beginning of relationships can even be a poisoned carrot dangling before you. His/ her words of praises should be appreciated. Nobody has ever told his/ her spouse that he/ she hates him/ her. So, it is normal. Do not be deceived by anything. Those husbands and wives who killed their partners at last told them in the beginning that they loved them more than anything in this world. Is it not so? So, no matter what the person tells you, do not stop checking on his/ her characteristic traits. If he/ she is soon angry, do not marry him/ her. If he/ she is stingy, do not marry him/ her. If he/ she is dishonest, do not do any business with him. If you do, you will regret it so much!

2. Observe consistency: 

See if his/ her behaviour is consistent over time or if it is just a facade. 

3. Seek outside perspective:

Talk to trusted friends, family, or a therapist about the choice you want to make. By paying attention to these signs and red flags, you can choose a good spouse 

In conclusion, certain characteristic traits can be toxic in a relationship and make it challenging to build a healthy and fulfilling marriage. When choosing a spouse, it is essential to consider whether his/ her characteristic traits align with your values and needs. While everyone has flaws and imperfections, some traits can be particularly more dangerous and damaging than others in a relationship. Being aware of these characters and prioritizing healthy communication, empathy, and respect, individuals can build a strong foundation for a happy and fulfilling marriage.

Please, kindly share this post with your friends and loved ones. Thank you very much.