Parents' Guide To Combating The 23 Bad Habits In Kids Cont'd (6)

 Continued from previous one...

16. Stealing:

Stealing is another bad habit found in children and adults. It is the act of taking something which belongs to another person without his/ her knowledge, consent, and permission, with the intent of keeping, possessing, or making use of that material permanently at one's advantage. The bad habit of stealing thrives mostly on the fulcrum of dishonesty. Most dishonest people can steal! Children steal both at homes and at schools. At homes, they may steal pieces of meat from the parents' pots of soup and stew. They may also steal their parents' and siblings' money at homes. In the indigent homes where parents cannot feed the children very satisfactorily, the children may end up stealing the remaining food in the kitchen which should have been shared equitably amongst all of them upon their parents' return to the homes. They steal the food because the portion shared to them earlier did not satisfy them. In the neighbourhood, the addicted thieves steal anything that reaches their hands. At schools, the children steal money (especially if they are in boarding school system), books, smart phones and others. If the parents allow this habit of stealing to persist in their child, the child will grow and mature into a full-fledged armed robber. The little acorn seed whose growth began unnoticed will grow into an oak tree because the parents allowed it to continue unabated.

Most children steal at one time or the other. There is no child who has not stolen something in the home even once! Parents usually overreact to this occurrence and call the child all derogatory names such as thief or liar. Judging and punishing kids every time worsens the situation! It is very natural for a young child to take something which excites him/ her interest, especially in his/ her parent's house. You have no right morally to call that child a thief until the youngster is old. Most often, children are accused and maltreated. They face unimaginable threats right from the people that they trust most: parents and family members, friends, legal personnel, and authority (I mean school teachers). When we threaten them, they weep and lament in their hearts, but cannot challenge us because they have no houses of their own to relocate to to show their anger against us. Neither can they feed themselves nor train themselves at schools. So, when a child is right and you threaten him, he knows what you have done and cannot forget it for many years to come. He may not tell you, but it is recorded in his/ her brain that you insulted him/ her by virtue of your position as a parent or guardian, or caregiver to him/ her. So, be careful how you shout at them when they do a wrong thing. They are human beings like you, but with little bodies and no material possessions like you. Stealing has many negative impacts on the children, parents and society:

a. The child thief has very low esteem. He goes about with guilty conscience and shame. 

b. Children who steal struggle with trust issue. They know too well that nobody trusts them.

c. Child thievery can mature into violence, armed robbery, and vandalism.

d. Their parents are ashamed of their sons and daughters thievery lifestyles. They have very limited voices and influences in the communities where they live. They are sobriquetted "father or mother of thief".

e. Their parents have feelings of guilt that they did not raise them up properly. They failed woefully in their parental responsibilities to their children. This is because behind every child that stands in conflict with the law is a long queue of adults who failed in their responsibilities to them.

f. It strains relationships between the children who steal and their parents. 

g. Stealing leads to death. Many times, they are killed when caught.

The remedial measures to stealing are:

a. Parents, guardians, and caregivers should warn their children to desist from stealing. Tell them the consequences of theft on the child, parents and society.

b. Teach them empathy. Ask them how they will feel if someone else steals their own money and belongings.

 c. If the child is matured, show him/ her what to do to earn a living.

d. Implement restorative justice practices which focus on repairing harms and promoting recuperation instead of punishment alone.

17. Using Bad Words: 

The bad habit of speaking bad words to parents by their children is among the evil behaviours in our era. Using abusive words implies speaking derogatorily and offensively to somebody, with the intent to insult, disparage, and harm him/ her. This bad habit can damage established long existing relationships and self-esteem. The negative impact of using bad words to parents, guardians, caregivers, and authority are:

a. The habit of using bad words against parents by their children makes relationships and attachments to strain. 

b. Children who use bad words against their parents and authority are treated with resentment, disdain, and isolated as outcasts by the society. 

c. Verbal abuse easily leads  to violence, conflicts, and ceaseless aggressions.

d. When a bad action or culture spreads, it becomes a norm in the society since the human society emulates other people's actions, especially the bad ones. 

e. It brings disrespect to others, thereby making them to hate the abusive word speaker with passion.

The following intervention measures can be used to eradicate abusive words by children to parents and authority:

a. Children should be taught emotional regulation management skills so that they (children) would be able to manage their feelings and reactions.

b. Encourage and teach respectful communications in the family and schools.

c. Parents, guardians, caregivers, and authority, should model respectful language and conducts for the children to emulate.

d. Establish punitive measures for any child who uses bad words and also a befitting reward for respectful ones.

e. The community should embark upon programmes which promote respect, empathy, kindness, and communication skills.

18. Tantrums: 

A tantrum is a very fierce and unquenchable paroxysm of anger in kids. It can be caused by tiredness, hunger, frustrations, or inability to get what the child wants to get. A temper tantrum is when a child shows an unplanned upsurge or outburst of anger and frustration. Tantrum can be physical and verbal. According to the New York Times, "A temper tantrum involves two parts of the brain: amygdala, which is primarily responsible for processing emotions like fears, and anger, and the hypothalamus.' Let me explain the interplay between the amygdala and the hypothalamus. During a temper tantrum in a child, the amygdala detects fear, anger, frustration, unmet needs and perceived injustice which can trigger off the tantrum.The hypothalamus responds immediately by releasing stress hormones such as the cortisol and adrenaline. 

 A temper tantrum is the parents' best chance to help their children manage their own frustration and anger, and calm themselves down. During a child's temper tantrum, prevent accident by moving the child away from sharp corners and edges, and encourage the other children to continue reading their books. Tantrums and meltdown are inevitable in children. Depending on how we respond, we can manage the frequency and intensity of this behaviour with proven tips. Young children always have difficulty regulating their emotions and controlling their impulses. They may throw tantrums when they feel that they are not getting what they wanted. When the children are in tantrums, they will be screaming, stiffening limbs, an arched back, kicking, falling down, and running away. In some cases, they hold their breath, vomit, break things around them or hurt themselves or other people because of the tantrums. In all cases of tantrums, silence is the key!One of the hardest but the most important element during tantrums is for parents to keep their cool. It is up to the parents to calm the dysregulated child.

Disadvantages of tantrums:

a. Frequent tantrums can hinder children's ability to develop emotional regulation skills. 

b. It makes children to grapple with social challenges to have good relationships with others.

c. It causes emotional distress, anxiety, and stress in children.

d. It strains relationships between children and parents and authority.

e. It makes parents doubt the effectiveness of their parental abilities, thereby causing discouragement. 

f. If a child delves into temper tantrums in a public place such as shopping malls, restaurants, stadia, or schools, the tantrum will disrupt public decorum and constitute a public nuisance to his/ her parent, guardian, caregiver and others.

The following remedial measures are suggested for combating tantrum in children:

a. Do not mete out any punishment to the child when he gets into a tantrum. Rather, be calm and watch him as if you have not seen him. 

b. Help your child to develop emotional regulation skills. 

c. Behave as if his/ her tantrum does not put you off. Do not get upset. Show the child great empathy, kindness, and understanding so that you may teach him/ her emotional intelligence by conduct and not by words. 

d. Teach your child emotional regulations.

e. If your child's temper tantrum persists, seek a professional advice from a paediatrician or therapist, to address the underlying issue.

In conclusion, parents, guardians, caregivers, and authority, should not kill the children when they engage in the bad habits of stealing, using bad words, and tantrums. Rather, they should adopt holistic measures aimed at helping the children desist from these bad behaviours. Be patient with them. Show them empathy and kindnes. By so doing, they will learn emotional intelligence by force.

Please, share with your friends and loved ones. May God bless and replenish you abundantly in Jesus' name.