Parents' Guide To Combating The 23 Bad Habits In Kids Cont'd (7)

 Continued from previous one...

19. Refusal to share:

This is another bad habit found in children. It refers to a child's unwillingness, reluctance, and lack of interest, to share his/her belongings (toys, biscuits, ice creams, and time) with others. Most children are not empathic at their early developmental stages. They exhibit the traits of possessiveness and hatred of destitution. That means, they hate to be in lack or shortage of things that make them comfortable and happy. They want to keep whatever they have. That is why they do not want to give out anything that belongs to them to anybody, not even their parents, or the person who bought those things for them. Once the item gets into their hands, it permanently remains with them until they finish eating it or making use of it. They fear to give out anything to anybody so that it doesn't finish or get spoilt or get lost. Besides, all children live by observing. Hence, if there is any family member who does not share food or anything with other family members or outsiders, the children will quickly learn it. Children's attitude of learning whatever they see is in line with both psychologists  Albert Bandura's Social Learning Theory and Vygotsky's Socialcultural Theory respectively. Both theories posit that children, and indeed mankind, learns through observing, imitating, and modeling other people's behaviours. These two theories said that we can acquire new knowledge and behaviours by watching others by a process known as "vicarious learning." So, when children refuse to share with others, the cause of that action may not be far to trace. The disadvantages of refusal to share with others are as follows:

a. Constant refusal to share belongings with others may hinder development of empathy.

b. It may hinder the child from social interactions and having good friends, thereby making that child socially isolated and irrelevant.

c. It leads to loss of opportunities. For example, most children, even adults, would not like to give help to anybody who is stingy and shuns sharing with others.

The bad habit of refusal to share can be prevented by doing the following:

a. Parents themselves should first show good sharing behaviours so that the children can learn it by observing.

b. Educate children on why sharing is indispensable in our lives and how it can be of enormous benefits to those who practise it.

c. Teach the children to develop empathy because it plays a key role in social interactions with others both at homes and at schools.

d. Encourage sharing behaviours by praising and rewarding any child who practises sharing and empathy.

e. Do not use third degree (force) to make a child give food, toys, candies etc to anyone because that means an infringement or robbery on that child's right of possession of that thing. You can talk to him/her to please give his/ her belonging to somebody but not by coercion.

f. Parents must respect a child's boundaries and ownership of whatever belonging or property that he/ she has.

g. Teach the children the concept of doing things turn-by-turn so that they might know that others have worth and dignity and need to receive something good like themselves. 

If the above tips are judiciously followed, parents can help their children develop empathy, willingness to share with others, and essential social skills.

20. Lack of responsibility:

Lack of responsibility is a saddening phenomenon among both children and adults. Lack of responsibility in children refers to the failure of children to take ownership or accountability of one's actions, decisions, tasks, thereby leading to irresponsible and dependent lifestyles. Disobedience and bullying are not the only alarming bad habits in children besieging the world, and that makes parents and caregivers reconsider their parenting menthods. You should be alarmed as well that your children want to be wealthy without education, hard work, and perspiration. You should be alarmed that your children spend countless hours watching television and pressing their smart phones daily watching all the brain-killing pornographic videos. Despite dramatic improvements in survival, nutrition, and education over record decades, yet, it is very clear to me that today's children will face uncertain future because they are irresponsible, relaxed, and always attached to their comfort zones. The comfort zone is not a place to do exploits and achieve greatness! Those who always remain in their comfort zones are not yet ready for success. Beautiful roses grow in the midst of hard piercing thorns. It wiil require courage, focus, and perseverance to pluck it. The children of today love comfort, food and alcohols, and regular illicit sexual affairs. And, the worst of it all is that they are incorrigible to the hilt. In their own eyes, they know everything. But, if you weigh them in the empirical crucibles of life, you will see no knowledge in them. International agencies such as UNICEF, UNESCO, and WHO have respectively initiated guidelines to restore responsibility to the children across the world. For example, the UNICEF's Life Skills programme has emphasized the importance of life skills, including responsibility, self-awareness, and self-management helping children navigate adolescence and adulthood.

 The UNESCO's Education for Sustainable Development promotes education for sustainable development which includes fostering a sense of responsibility and encouraging children to take actions to protect the environment and to promote social justice. The UNESCO's Global   Citizenship Education has advocated for global citizenship education which includes teaching children about their responsibilities as global citizens and promoting values such as responsibility, empathy, and solidarity. The WHO's Life Skills Education recommends life skills education as a critical component of health promotion and education, problem-solving, and decision-making. The WHO's Social Determinants of Health maintains that social determinants, such as family and community environments, play a crucial role in children's behaviours, including their sense of responsibility.

Why do children lack sense of responsibility? Some of the reasons are:

a. If there is no adequate parental guidance on tasks completion, the children may not be able to complete that task as and when required.

b. Inconsistent expectations and lack of good family setting can make the children irresponsible and unprepared for the challenges in the future.

c. Over-indulgent parents pamper their children and accept too much of their excuses from them as reasons for not being responsible instead of encouraging them.

d. One of the greatest causes of children's irresponsibility is modeling of irresponsible characters near to them: it could be parents or family members or anybody around the children that is sluggish to business engagements. The children will easily emulate that bad habit. 

The negative impacts of lack of responsibility in children are as follows:

a. Irresponsibility in children causes loss of self-esteem, thereby leading to shame and feeling of guilt. 

b. It causes strained relationships between children and families, friends, and authority.

c. It causes loss of opportunities and poverty.

Parents, guardians, and caregivers can do the following to restore responsibility in children:

a. Parents and caregivers are required to set clear expectations by establishing consistent expectations for responsibilities (domestic chores and academic works).

b. Create a daily routine which has time for tasks and assignments at homes.

c. Show good examples of responsibilities for the children to emulate.

d. Children should own responsibilities of their actions, decisions, and mistakes without holding anybody else responsible for their own wrong actions and decisions.

e. Teach your children critical thinking and reasoning skills in order to develop ability to solve problems.

f. Parents should start very early to teach and encourage their children to be responsible by gradually giving them small tasks at homes to do.

21. Excessive complaining:

Excessive complaining is among the bad habits found in kids. It means a child's regular repetitive expression of dissatisfaction and discontent often about inconsequential issues, thereby leading to strained relationships with parents and other people. This habit is too bad because it destroys resilience, problem-solving skills, and social connections. It is another way of not being appreciative of the good things both parents and others have done in the overall development of that child. It is a bad habit because nobody wants to continue helping someone who is not grateful for what he has received in the past. When a child shows thankfulness for what he/ she received from someone, the generous person or donor will most likely do more for that child. Why do children complain often even after their parents have done everything to meet their needs?

 a. They complain excessively because they learnt it from either their parents, family members, peers, or social media.

b. Children suffer from emotional mismanagement. This leads to excessive complaining. 

c. Children complain when their physical, emotional, and psychological needs are not met by parents, guardians, and caregivers.

d. Children complain just for the simple purpose of getting their parents' attention above their siblings. 

Children who excessively complain can become overly critical and negative, thereby leading to a life of perssimism in future. What are the impacts of excessive complaining? They are as follows:

a. Excessive complaining causes loss of confidence and low esteem.

b. It causes strains in relationships between children and parents, guardians, caregivers, and authority. 

d. Incessant complaining by children makes the parents, peers, and authority sad.

e. It can undoubtedly lead to loss of opportunities, thereby leading to poverty and miserable life.

What are the intervention measures to mitigate excessive complaining? 

a. Encourage children to see challenges as ample opportunities for growth and learning, and not to complain or bear grudges against anyone.

b. Engage in regular physical activities in order to reduce idleness and stress which lead to excessive complaining.

c. Parents should not give in to demands of the complaining children. If parents do, it will automatically reinforce negative behaviours.

d. Remain calm and patient when the child is complaining. Refrain from exchange of words with the child that is complaining. Do not punish or scold him/ her too.

e. Teach children emotional regulations.

f. Warn your children to desist from excessive complaining or be ready to be punished for doing so.

In conclusion, the bad habits of refusal to share, lack of responsibility, and excessive complaining in children cannot help in the children's overall development. Therefore, it behooves the parents, guardians, caregivers, and authority, to adopt proactive measures to reduce these habits to insignificant levels, so as to help them have successful and happy lives in future. 

Please, share with your friends and loved ones. Be richly blessed!