Children's Bad Habits Of Talking Back To Parents: Causes and Remedial Strategies

 

 Talking back (also called back talk or sass) is a hurtful and worrisome behaviour in which a child responds to a parent, caregiver, or figure of authority, in a disrespectful, argumentative, and confrontational manner. Some examples of talking back include:

1. Disagreeing with parents with a raised voice: 

In this situation, the child raises his/ her voice to show disagreement and resentment to parent's instructions, advices, or decisions.

2. Using a sarcastic or mocking tone: 

This is a situation in which a child responds with a sarcastic or mocking tone, often with the intention to degrade, belittle, or ridicule his/ her parent or an adult.

3. Refusing to comply with parent's order: 

In this case, a child refuses to comply with, or follow instructions or established rules  through verbal resistance or argumentation.

4. The bad habit of talking back can manifest itself in the form of making dismissive or disrespectful comments. In this case, the child makes a comment which dismisses or disrespects the adult's authority, opinion, or feelings.

Why do children talk back to their parents, caregivers, and educators? Some of the reasons are:

1. Children talk back to parents, caregivers, and authority to test the boundaries which they want to possess and control. They can talk back to test the limits of what they can get away with, that is, what they can be in charge of. 

2. Children talk back to express their anger or frustration, often due to feeling overwhelmed or unheard or unrecognized.

3. Children may talk back to parents, caregivers, and educators, in order to get attention or reaction from them.

4. Children talk back because they learned the bad habit from others such as parents, peers, and media figures who use sarcastic and dismissive tones. 

5. Children may talk back as a way of asserting their independence and individuality.

6. They may talk back when reacting to stress, anxiety, or other emotions.

7. Parents' responses to their children's misbehaviours such as scolding or punishments, can inadvertently reinforce talking back.

8. Parents' failure to establish clear boundaries and the attendant consequences can contribute to the development of talking back behaviours.

9. Inconsistent disciplinary attitudes by parents can confuse the children and lead to testing of boundaries, including talking back.

The bad habit of talking back can be eradicated by: 

1. Speaking to the child in a calm, gentle voice, avoiding yelling or using abusive and aggressive language. The child is bound to be ashamed of himself if you (parent, caregiver, or educator) stay calm and gentle because that is not his/ her expectation from you after talking back to you.

2. Parents, caregivers, and authority should stay calm and composed when their children or wards are talking back to them. Take a deep breath, and silently count from 1 to 10, step out from the scene of provocation for a moment in order not to respond to the erring child in the aggressive way he/ she expects. 

3. Parents, caregivers, and educators should clearly communicate their expectations for respectful communication and the consequences for talking back to them by children.

4. Parents, caregivers, and authority should set good examples for the children to emulate. Show your child what respectful communication means by modeling yourself. Parents should not expect great outcomes from the children if they fail to show good examples.

5. Teach and encourage your children to listen carefully to what you are saying in order to respond thoughtfully and expectedly too. 

6. Encourage your children to express their feelings and needs and limitations using "I" statements instead of "you" statements which tend to be perceived as provocative and accusatory.

7. Parents should create opportunities for their children to express their thoughts and feelings in a safe and supportive environment.

8. Acknowledge and praise your child each time he/ she communicates respectfully.

9. You can offer rewards and incentives to those children who demonstrate respectful communication.

10. Reflect critically on situations or emotions that may trigger talking back in your child and address such situations head-on.

11. Help the children to address underlying issues such as frustrations, anxiety, and feelings of injustice.

12. If your child's talking back behaviour persists and is causing problems at home and at school, consider seeking the help of a therapist.

13. Connect yourself with other parents and groups who have similar problems. They may provide you with valuable support and guidance.

14. Show empathy to your child, while still maintaining clear boundaries and expectations. Do not shift focus and goal.

In summary, talking back is a bad behaviour in which children respond to their parents, caregivers, and authority figures in disrespectful, argumentative, and confrontational manner, often as a way to assert independence, test boundaries, or express frustration and dissatisfaction. Every hand should be on deck to make talking back a rarity, and not a norm, in the global society.

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