Couples' Power Struggles Before Divorce: Understanding The Dynamics And Consequences

 

Family power struggles are a common phenomenon in many households across the latitudes of the world, and they can be particularly intense in families on the verge of divorce. When couples are experiencing marital problems, power struggles can emerge as a way for each partner to assert control and dominance over the other. However, these power struggles can have far-reaching effects on the entire family, particularly the children who are depending on their parents for survival. The journey to divorce does not begin and end in one day. Rather, it is often paved with or preceded by years or long time of unresolved conflicts, misunderstandings, unmet emotional needs, unanswered spousal questions, and festering resentments, which can create a toxic family environment and cause profound emotional distress for all family members. 

Family power struggles before divorce often involve a complex chain of emotions, behaviours, and interactions. Couples tend to engage in a series of power struggles, with each partner trying to outwit and manouvre the other for outcomes that are meaningless and unrewarding (as far as I am concerned). These protracted power struggles can manifest in various ways, such as: 

1. Control over finances:

One partner (either husband or wife) may try to control the family's finances, making decisions as it pleases him/ her about spendings, savings, and investing without consulting with the other partner. 

2. Decision-making:

Couples may disagree on major decisions such as where to live, what school to send the children to, and how to discipline the children when they err.

3. Emotional manipulation:

One partner may use emotional manipulation to control the other, making him/ her feel guilty, anxious, or fearful.

4. Parenting styles:

Couples may have different parenting styles, leading to conflicts over how to discipline, educate, and care for the children.

The major causes of family power struggles are:

1. Communication breakdown:

Poor communication can lead to misunderstandings, resentments, and power struggles.

2. Lack of intimacy:

Destitution of intimacy can create feelings of disconnection, isolation, and withdrawal, leading to power struggles between or among couples. 

3. Financial stress:

Financial stress can exacerbate existing tensions and conflicts and create renewed power struggles. 

4. Personality difference:

Couples with different personality traits such as narcissism or passive-aggressiveness, may be more vulnerable to power struggles.

Family power struggles before divorce can have significant effects on the entire family, particularly the children. Some of the effects include:

1. Emotional distress:

Children may experience emotional distress, including anxiety, depression, and feelings of helplessness.

2. Behavioral problems:

Children may exhibit behavioral problems such as acting out, aggression, withdrawal, taking side with either of the partners.

3. Difficulty with emotional regulation:

Children may struggle with emotional regulation, leading to difficulties with managing their emotions and behaviours.

4. Impact on relationships:

Family power struggles can easily damage relationships between family members, creating long-term rifts and conflicts.

5. Negative impact on children's development:

A family without peace and serenity cannot be suitable for learning, concentration, absorption, and the resultant high academic performance.

6. Increased risk of divorce:

Family power struggles can increase the risk of divorce, as couples may become increasingly polarized and unable to resolve their differences. 

Examples of family power struggles across the world include:

1. India:

In some Indian families, power struggles can arise between husband's and wives, particularly in cases where the wife's family has paid a significant dowry. The husband's family may try to exercise control over the wife's finances, leading to power struggles in that family. If the situation is not quickly brought under control, it paves way for divorce.

2. China:

In many Chinese families, power struggles do occur between husbands and wives, parents and children, particularly in cases where the children have been educated in the Western world, and have adopted more Western values and lifestyles. The parents may try to exercise control over the children's career choices, marriage, and lifestyles. 

3. United States:

In some US families, power struggles can arise between spouses, particularly in cases where one partner is more educated and privileged to earn more income than the other partner. The higher-earning partner may try to exercise undue power and authority over the lesser-earning partner, leading to power struggles and conflicts. The situation becomes more unbearable when the higher earning side is the wife. If she is arrogant and disrespectful to the husband, the husband would reject being tied to the apron call of a woman which should be under him. From there, power struggles, wranglings,  in-fighting, and cold-war will take place. If the situation is not rescued immediately, one partner may begin to consider divorce as a way out. One mistake that couples always make is that they usually think that they are going to have peace and rest when they divorce their partners. They always believe that the other man or woman outside there is better than their own partner. They only see one or two good advantages that will reach them contingent upon divorce. They always fail to see the innumerable disadvantages,  pains, and sorrows, associated with divorce. There is no peace and absolute happiness anywhere on this Earth after all! Married or un-married, rich or poor, white or black, literate or illiterate, there is no peace and total happiness and unperturbed joy anywhere in this world. If we have any peace and satisfaction at all, they are still short-lived. So, why don't you make up your mind to continue with that relationship? Your husband is bad. Your wife is bad. Yes, we know that's very true. But, it is not right to quit the relationship and make the children who came to the world through you to be stranded. If you count the cost and sagaciously weigh the consequences of divorce, you will come to the stark reality that divorce is the worst thing any couple should think of. For the well-being of your children or child, continue with that toxic husband or wife! That's my advice to couples whose relationships are hanging in the balance. 

4. Africa:

In some African families, power struggles are prevalently on display, particularly in cases where one partner earns more money than the other. The situation becomes worse if the woman earns more income than the man. She may begin to insult her husband. She throws caution to the wind. She begins to control the family. She begins to attend conferences without the consent of her husband. Some highly-learned and well-paid African wives can be very stubborn and self-willed (not all of them). There are educated African wives married to affluent husbands. Some of their husbands do not want their wives to get jobs probably because they know what is involved in it. So, their wives are 100% house wives. Some of their wives may begin to assert their independence and autonomy, leading to tensions and conflicts. 

5. Europe:

In  some European families, power struggles can arise between couples and parent, particularly in cases where their children have failed woefully in previous relationships. The parents may try to exercise control over their children because they do not want them to experience failed relationships again. 

In conclusion, family power struggles are the highway to divorce. By understanding the dynamics, causes, and consequences of family power struggles, couples can doubtless take steps to address these issues and work towards a more positive and supportive family environment. This may involve seeking counseling or therapy, practising effective communication, and making conscious efforts to manage conflicts and power struggles in a healthy and constructive way. Thorough understanding of the complexities of family power struggles can enable couples work towards creating a more harmonious and supportive family environment.

Please, kindly share this post with your friends and loved ones. It may save their relationships which are hanging in the balance. Thank you.