Effective Principles Of Co-parenting Children After Divorce

  

 

  

When a marriage ends up in divorce, the most significant challenge for many parents is not the end of the relationship in particular, but the beginning of a new chapter in co-parenting their children. The act of co-parenting requires parents to put aside their differences (which they were unable to reconcile to save the marriage) and work together to raise their children. Divorce indeed has an unspeakable impact on children's emotional, social, and psychological well-beings. Children of divorced partners often experience a litany of emotions: sadness, abandonment, anger, guilt, anxiety, and depression.  They may struggle to adjust to living in two separate households, dealing with conflicting parental expectations, and grappling with the emotional fall-out of their parents' separation. Infallible research has shown that children of divorced partners are more likely to experience behavioral problems, decreased academic performance, and emotional distress.

Despite the challenges, separated parents can work together to provide a stable, loving, and supportive environment for their children. Here are some proven tips for effective co-parenting:

1.  Forgive and forget your ex-partner's offences and faults against you:

Divorced husbands and wives are advised to kindly forgive and forget the offences committed against them by their ex-partners, if not for anything else, but for the benefits of the children, whose welfare and future security are hanging in the balance of fate. All offences, irrespective of forms and magnitudes, should be forgiven and forgotten forever, including all hurtful behaviours and unfaithfulness. Divorced couples should focus on moving forward and creating a positive and loving environment for their children. If you are a divorced partner, endeavour to come down from your high horse for the sake of your children. If you neglect this humble piece of advice from me and continue in your rigidity and disagreement with your ex-partner even after separation, it simply and clearly means that you hate your children or child! 

2. Effective communication between divorced partners:

Effective communication is pivotal to successful co-parenting. Divorced couples should make conscious efforts to communicate clearly, respectfully, and regularly about children's needs, schedules, and well-beings. When the aggrieved children of divorced partners see them talking and doing things together for their advantage and future security, the wounds and bruises in their hearts caused by the break-up will immediately begin to heal gradually. In contrast to this, if separated partners (for whatever intelligible or foolish reasons they may adduce) continue in hatred and animosity against each other, and refuse to recognize the impact of their stupid actions on the children's development, it emotionally affects the children more than before. The embittered children may think and come to the conclusion that two unrepentant and inconsiderate devils came together and gave birth to them. Hence, they will begin to discard whatever moral instructions and social values imparted to them earlier in life and begin to go all-out to seek for solutions where there are no solutions. They feel disappointed, hated, and ill-fated. They can begin to ask God why He brought them to the world through merciless parents. In the process, they may end up joining themselves with armed robbers, bandits, kidnappers, religious fundamentalists, terrorists, cocaine peddlers, prostitutes (if there are girls), street boys and girls, and other facets of social vices. While their hard-hearted and self-willed parents are busy throwing muds at each other even after divorce, their children will helplessly be heading towards the precipice of death. That is why divorce affects children far much more than parents.

3. Make your children's needs your priority:

Divorced partners should always give priority attention to their children's needs. They should make decisions that are in the best interests of their children, even if such  decisions hurt them. They should bear them patiently. 

4. Establish a co-parenting plan:

Divorced couples should develop a co-parenting plan that clearly outlines how they will share parenting responsibilities, make decisions, and communicate with each other. This plan can help reduce conflict and provide a sense of stability for the children.

5. Respect each other's boundaries:

Divorced couples should respect each other's boundaries and parental agreement enshrined in the co-parenting plan. You may not obviously agree on everything. Yes! But, make sure that you do not criticize or undermine each other's opinions or decisions concerning the parenting of your children. 

6. Maintain consistency:

Establish consistent rules, routines, and expectations so as to provide a sense of stability and structure for the children.

7. Show unity and support:

Present a united front when dealing with your children, even if you are not together. Do not speak any evil or negative word against your ex-partner in the presence of your children or child. If you do, just because you have mouth to do so, it will affect the children's or child's feelings. Your dignity and respect will drop to the lowest ebb before the children or child immediately. You won't notice it immediately. The children or child won't ask you why you said it because they are still depending on you for sustenance. The children or child will keep your bad attitude against your ex-partner in the heart, and would be watching you. The children or child obviously will begin to show sympathy to the side or partner degraded. One or all of them may tell the ex-partner what the other one said against him/ her. That negative assertion against the involved partner may discourage his/ her commitment and motivation to continue with the co-parenting exercise. If your ex-partner drops his/ her co- parenting responsibilities due to your unbridled and uncontrollable tongue, you may be forced to bear the brunt alone. Most children hate parents who speak or do anything against the other partner. They won't show their angry responses to your bad attitudes towards the other partner when they are young and still living under your roof. It is when they are grown up that they will begin to tell their erring parents all they know about them. They may drift to the side of the partner who appeared weak; and abandon the hardened one even though he/ she invested financially for their education and upbringing than the other. Children can easily abandon any parent if they want to do so. It does not matter whether such parent trained them during childhood or not! Therefore, you should show the children that both you and your ex-partner love them. That is the only way out. If your ex-partner is not financially buoyant to contribute his/ her quota as agreed on in the co-parenting plan, do not insult him/ her in the presence of the children for not doing so. You can communicate with him/ her later concerning that issue. Show your children that both you and ex-partner love them so much, and are ready and willing to help and support them in your capacity, even though you are no more in a romantic relationship. 

8. Be flexible and adaptable:

 

Co-parenting requires the elements of flexibility and adaptability if it must succeed. Each partner should be ready to adjust his/ her own plans or schedules as needed to accommodate the children's needs. 

9. Seek support and professional advice from experts:

 

Divorced parents who engage into co-parenting should seek for expert advice from professionals, families, friends, therapists, if you have challenges in co-parenting.

 

10. Prioritize quality time:

 

Prioritize quality time with your children or child, even if it is inconveniencing to your own schedule. Make conscious efforts to attend important events which they ask you to attend. Participate in activities they love and enjoy, and have regular one-on-one time with them. Find out what your children want or need. Know what they love and what they hate, and why. Know the subjects that they perform excellently and the ones they lag behind. Know the courses they want to study in the universities. Why do they want to study those courses? Who are their best friends? Are your children's friends from broken homes too like yours? With the knowledge of all these, you would be in a position to advise them properly. You must always make them understand that you are not happy about divorcing their father (your ex-husband) and their mother (your ex-wife). If you fail to do this, it means that you are preparing them to divorce any husband or wife that comes their ways, even if the would-be future partner is holy like Enoch and honest like Nathaniel! 

 

In summary, divorce may mark the end of a a romantic relationship between husband and wife. Divorce is the greatest evil thing that parents directly or indirectly do to their children. Divorce is the single greatest cause of moral decadence, terrorism, prostitution, cocaine trafficking, and armed robbery in the global society. There is nothing under the Sun that destroys families, the smallest units of the world, like divorce. However, divorce does not morally have to signal the end of an effective parenting; with commitments and cooperation, ex-partners can help to raising happy children. By embracing the above-mentioned attested principles of co-parenting, divorced partners can provide their children with the stability, love, and support they need to succeed in this competitive world.

 

Please, if this post makes any sense to you, kindly share it with others. It may reduce the spate of divorce that is randomly eating up the fabrics of the global society. Thank you.