Should A Child Be An Enemy To Parent's Enemy?

 The question of whether a child should be an enemy to his/ her parent's enemy is not easy for many people to answer. This question has been debated across cultures, regions, and countries of the world for many years. One school of thought said that children should take sides with their parents to hate and fight their enemies to a brick wall. Another school of thought said that it is irrational and vindictive for children to take sides with their parents to hate and fight their parents' enemies. They opined that children should rather stand in the middle to broker peace and reconciliation between them. In some cultures, loyalty to families is paramount and non-negotiable, and children are expected to take sides with their parents in conflicts. It does not matter if their parents and families are right or wrong. But, the whole truth is that this approach can lead to strained relationships and even long-term damages to the children's emotional well-being. On the other hand, encouraging children to maintain their own relationships and make informed decisions can foster independence and emotional intelligence. 

Should a child make his/ her parent's enemy his/ her own enemy too? Is it morally right to do so? Should children love or hate people because their parents love or hate them? Does this type of behaviour have any justification? In some cultures, family loyalty comes first in their scale of preferences. Family loyalty is deeply and firmly ingrained in the children, I mean without any exception in the whole family. All the members of the family are expected to pull resources together to fight against anybody whom they perceive as enemy, without any question or likelihood of dissension. Like a flock of sheep, they all move in a unidirectional way in hating and fighting their enemy not minding whether they are right or wrong. For example, in some traditional Asian cultures, filial piety is a core value, and children are expected to prioritize their parents' needs and interests above their own. In these cultures, being an enemy to one's parent's enemy is seen as a norm and a matter of honour and loyalty. However, in other cultures, individuality and independence are valued, and children are encouraged to think for themselves and make their own informed decisions. For example, in many Western cultures, children are encouraged to develop their own relationships and interests, and to prioritize their own emotional well-being.

The idea of asking or wooing children to come on board to embark on a voyage of hatred, malice, and bitterness with parents against others can lead to a chain of negative consequences. For example, children may feel caught in the middle of conflicts, leading to emotional distress and strained relationships. They may also struggle with feelings of loyalty and guilt, particularly if they disagree with their parents' views or actions. Furthermore, being an enemy to a parent's enemy can limit a child's opportunities for personal growth and development. By being coerced into taking sides with parents, children may miss out on the chance to develop their own relationships and make their own decisions. This can lead to resentment and rebellion, particularly during adolescence and young adulthood stages. In some African countries, family loyalty is firmly and deeply ingrained in all members, and all children are expected to support their parents during conflicts. 

However, this can lead to inter-generational conflicts and strained relationships, particularly if children disagree with their parents' views or actions. In many Latin American countries, family ties are very strong, and children are often expected to prioritize their family's needs and interests. However, this can lead to conflicts and strained relationships, particularly if children feel caught in the middle of family disputes. 

Loyalty to parents and taking sides with them to fight against their enemies have done more harm than good. It can hinder the choice of marriage partners. This is evident in various literary and real-life examples:

1. Romeo and Juliet:

This famous William Shakespeare's tragedy illustrates the devastating consequences of prolonged family feuds and loyalty influencing romantic relationships. The warring families (Montagues' and Capulets') hatred for each other ultimately led to the tragic deaths of two lovers, Romeo and Juliet. 

2. Indian epics like Mahabharata:

The love story of Arjuna and Subhadra, the sister of Lord Krishna, despite her being from a different clan, highlights the challenges of family loyalty on romantic relationships.

3. Real-life examples:

Horror killings and forced marriages in some cultures are extreme examples of family loyalty and expectations influencing marriage choices. In some cases, individuals are forced to marry within their caste, religion, beliefs, races, social class, limiting their sons and daughters from their own choice of partners. 

4. West Side Story:

A modern version of retelling of Romeo and Juliet, set in New York City, where rival gangs and family loyalty hinder the romance between Tony and Maria.

5. The Story of Orpheus and Eurydice in Greek mythology:

Orpheus' love for Eurydice was thwarted by the conspiracy of the gods and family obligations.

6. The Last Don:

Two rival wealthy families which hated each other deeply for so long. Don Clericuzio, the patriarch of Clericuzio family, was a wise and ruthless mafia leader. The rival family's son went ahead to marry Clericuzio's daughter, Rose Marie Clericuzio, against the wishes or approval of both families, leading to conflicts. In the process, Don Clericuzio's son was killed by the enemy family, unleashing a chain of events. Don Clericuzio's family retaliated by killing the first son of the enemy family (Rose Marie Cericuzio's husband), making Rose Marie Cericuzio's a widow, and brought her back to her father's house. But, she hated her father's house and everything about his family. All these examples illustrate how far enmity between two persons which defied reconciliation or mediation can go. It is entirely wrong and vindictive for parents or families to ask their children to take sides with them to hate other families, and fight them. The end is usually very disastrous. Children should not hate anybody just because the parents hate that person. Children should not also follow their parents to fight anybody. This type of loyalty leads to sudden death in many cases. For example, during the COVID 19 Pandemic in 2020, a hefty young man of about 22 years was killed in Lagos because he took side with her mother and younger sister who fought against a security man. The slain boy's mother and sibling went to somewhere in Lagos without their nose masks in compliance with the rules and regulations which were in operation at that time. The security man, who acted on instructions given to him, disallowed them entry into that premises. Therefore, the woman and her daughter fought against him. When they discovered that they could not overcome him, the woman used her phone to call her son for help. When the young man came, he immediately started beating up the guard mercilessly. The guard was no match to him in prowess at all because the young man was a trained fighter and bouncer. When the guard became badly wounded, he managed to get a dagger hidden in his trouser, and stabbed the strong boy in  the heart. The strong boy who came to fight for his mother and sibling who violated the rules of COVID 19 died instantly. His death body and the wounded guard were both taken to hospital--one to the emergency ward for treatment, the other to the mortuary preparatory to burial. At that point, the woman who invited her son for a fight regretted her actions. It therefore means that a child can die for foolishly being loyal to a parent! A word is enough for the wise! To be forewarned is to be forearmed!

 In conclusion, the question of whether a child should be an enemy to parent's enemy is a complex issue that depends on a range of cultural, social, and individual factors. While family loyalty is commendable, it is also essential to prioritize children's emotional well-being and encourage them to develop their own relationships and make quality decisions. By so doing, we can help children grow into confident, independent, and emotionally-intelligent individuals who are capable of navigating complex family dynamics and relationships. Obviously, every child deserves the opportunity to develop his/ her own identity and make his/ her own choices, free from the burden of family conflicts and loyalties. Parents and families should quickly stop asking their children to take sides with them to hate and fight other persons, families, and people. It limits the children's chances of success, growth, and development. It also robs them of the opportunities of getting better husbands and wives. Prolonged enmity between individuals, communities, people, and races causes socio-economic setbacks, wars, and deaths.

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