Why Do Children Become People -Pleasers?

 Children become people-pleasers due to a combination of factors, including their environment, upbringing, and life experiences. The habit of people-pleasing can be a coping mechanism that children develop to navigate their relationships with others, particularly with parents, caregivers, peers, and authority figures. The following reasons can make children to become people-pleasers. They are:

1 Fear of rejection or abandonment:

One reason children become people-pleasers and dance to their tunes daily is the fear of rejection by peers and authority. When children feel that their self-worth or self-esteem is tied to their ability to please others, they may go too far to avoid rejection, disapproval, and abandonment. This fear can stem from insecure attachment styles, neglect, or an inconsistent parenting.

2. Need for approval and validation:

Children often seek for approval and validation from parents and caregivers, which can lead to people-pleasing behaviours. When children are consistently rewarded for pleasing others, they may  learn to prioritize others' needs over their own. This can be reinforced by praise, rewards, or special treatment when they behave in ways that others find pleasing. If they continue that way to adulthood, they will begin to receive bribes in order to please people in their offices.  

3. Low self-esteem and lack of confidence:

Children with low self-esteem or lack of confidence may become people-pleasers as a way to compensate for their feelings of inadequacy. By seeking for validation and approval from others, they may feel more secure and valued. However, this can lead to an over-emphasis on pleasing others, rather than developing a strong sense of self.

4. Parenting styles:

 Harsh and draconian parenting styles can also contribute to people-pleasing behaviours in children. Authoritarian parenting, which strictly emphasizes obedience and compliance, can lead children to prioritizing others' needs over their own. In the same vein, parents and caregivers who are overly critical or perfectionistic may inadvertently encourage people-pleasing behaviours in their children.  

5. Social and cultural expectations:

Social and cultural expectations can also play a key in shaping people-pleasing behaviours in children. In some cultures, conformity and obedience are highly valued, which can lead to children prioritizing others' needs over their own. Additionally, societal expectations around politeness, niceness, and agreeableness can also contribute to people-pleasing behaviours.

What are the consequences of people-pleasing behaviours? 

While people-pleasing attitude can be a useful coping mechanism in the short term, it can have negative consequences in the long-run. Children who become people-pleasers may struggle with anxiety, stress, and burnout as they try to meet others' expectations and needs.  

To break the cycle of people-pleasing habit, it is essential to promote healthy self-esteem, self-awareness, and assertiveness in children. Parents and caregivers can model healthy behaviours, such as setting clear boundaries and prioritizing their own needs. They can also encourage the children to express their own thoughts, feelings, and needs, and provide opportunities for them to develop  problem-solving and decision-making skills. 

In conclusion, children become people-pleasers due to a complex interplay of factors, including their environment, upbringing, and life experiences. Parents and caregivers can take steps to promote healthy self-esteem, self-awareness, and assertiveness in children if they first understand the root causes of people-pleasing behaviours. By so doing, they can help the children develop into confident,  capable, and useful individuals who are equipped to navigate the complexities of relationships and life with resilience and positivity.

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