Conflicts Between Step-Parents And Step-Children

 The complex dynamics between step-parents and step-children can often lead to strained relationships, with some step-children harbouring feelings of hatred towards their step-parents. This animosity can stem from various reasons, including feelings of loyalty to their biological parents, resentment towards parent's new  partner, or difficulties adjusting to a new family dynamics. For example, in some cases, step-children may feel that their step-parents are trying to replace their true parents, leading to feelings of betrayal  and anger. 

Any attempt by the step-parent to set boundaries and discipline the step-child when he/ she goes wrong will be stoutly rebuffed. Not only that, the step-child will begin to show great resentment and anger to the step-parent as if it was the step-parent who truncated his/ her parents' relationship. Step-parents may struggle to establish authority and discipline in a way that is fair, respectful, and balanced, without any decipherable intention to insult and offend the step-children. Yet, the step-parents always end up being suspected, insulted, hated, and called imprintable derogatory names by the step-children. There are cases where the step-parents may want to show love and caring to the step-children, but unexpectedly, they get antagonism and aggression from the mentally-wounded step-children. When the step-parents discover that the step-children do not want to receive them as their own parents, they automatically withdraw from showing kindness and love to them. If care is not taken, the parent of the step-child might wrongly accuse the new spouse of hating his/ her child, little-knowing that it was his/ her child's repulsive attitudes that informed his/ her spouse's withdrawal and non-chalant   behaviour towards that child. 

There are cases where the parent of the affected child immediately develops hatred against the partner's child or children because there is no agreement or mutual love between the new spouse and his/ her child or children. In fact, most step-children are responsible for the differences between them and their step-parents. They believe that they are living in wrong places with wrong adults (males or females) who hate them. They feel robbed of the opportunities of living together with their own biological parents whom they love. They feel hated and betrayed by fate! They want to live together with their two biological parents, but this desire turns out to be an impossible mission to accomplish. Therefore, they are full of anger and bitterness. Additionally, the step-parent may unintentionally favour his/her of own biological child/ children to incur the awaited wrath of the step-children, creating feelings of jealousy, resentment, and antagonism among the step-children. In some cultures, such as in India, the traditional family structures and expectations can sometimes exacerbate these tensions. But, it is advisable that the step-parents should be patient with their step-children. These children were not responsible for their parents' divorce. If they were able to stop their parents' separation, they would have done so. Now, they are in new families and environments that are totally strange to them. 

They should not be blamed for being sad! In a blended family, it is required that each partner disciplines his/ her own child or children for misbehaving. Rules and discipline are a big cause of concern in a blended family setting. Your new wife or husband should discipline his/ her own child or children while you discipline yours. Why should it be so? It is because the child whom you got married to his/ her parent sees you as a bad person who took mother away from father, or father from mother. You are not a parental figure in the sight of the child you are marrying his/ her father or mother, so enforcing rules can be hard! As a family, set boundaries and consequences for defaulters. If any child does anything wrong, let his/ her own parent discipline that child. If your step-child insults you, do not beat him/ her or even say any word. Rather, report that child to the parent ( your new partner) and remind your partner that both of you must not allow children's bad behaviours to ruin your marriage. This is because the children will grow and part ways with you and your partner. So, if you allow them to destroy the new relationship, both of you will pay dearly for it. In a blended family setting, it is not proper for a non-biological parent to discipline an erring child who does not see you as a parental figure. Generally, it takes up to 3-5 years before a child or children from the other partner sees you (mother's or father's partner) as a human being. If your partner brings the children into the blended family when they are very young, it is better and more easier for them to adjust and accept their parent's partner as a human being and parental figure. If their parent brings them to your house when they are 13 years old and above, it will be very difficult for the step-parent to please the child or children. They may not see their parent's partner as a parental figure in the next 50 years. But, there are few exceptions to this behaviour. Step-parents should not feel sad when they are rejected and insulted by step-children. Put yourself in their shoes and understand the traumatic situation they are going through. If they are still young, play with them. If you do, they will love as their biological parent. If they are up to 13 years old and above, involve them in running the family affairs. If you do so, you will win their heart and they will begin to behave well.

The impact of hatred between step-parents and step-children can be significantly destructive, affecting not only the relationship between the two but also the overall family dynamic. Step-children may experience emotional distress, behavioral problems, and difficulties adjusting to their new family situation. Step-parents, on the other hand, may feel frustrated, hurt, and unsure of how to navigate the complex emotions and needs of their step-children. 

To build a cordial relationship between step-parents and step-children, it is essential to prioritize communication, empathy, and understanding. Step-parents should strive to establish a positive relationship with their step-children, built on mutual respect, understanding, trust, and open communication. This invariably can involve spending quality time together with them showing genuine interest in their lives, and avoiding unnecessary comparisons with the step-children's biological parents. In some cases, seeking professional help, such as family therapy, can also be beneficial in navigating the complex emotions and dynamics involved in managing blended families. Examples from across the world illustrate the importance of building viable and loving relationships between step-parents and step-children. In some African cultures, the extended family structures and community support can help to mitigate the challenges of step-parenting. In the Western cultures, the emphasis on individualism and personal freedom can sometimes lead to more open and honest communication between step-parents and step-children.

In conclusion, building a positive relationship between step-parents and step-children requires efforts, patience, and understanding from both parties. By prioritizing communication, empathy, and respect, step-parents and step-children can work together towards creating a more harmonious and loving family dynamic. With patience, commitment, and understanding, it is possible to build a strong and lasting bond between step-parents and step-children, one that brings joy, gladness, and fulfillment to all family members.

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