Familiarity Breeds Contempt: Does This Apply To Parent-Child Relationship?

 The adage, "Familiarity Breeds Contempt", suggests that the more we know someone, the more likely we are to develop negative feeling, neglect, or disrespect towards that person. In the context of parent-child relationship, this phenomenon can be particularly significant. As parents and children spend more time together, they may tend to take each other for granted, leading to a decline in respect and affection, and a propensity to a feeling of equality. One way in which familiarity can affect parent-child relationships is through the development of complacency. When parents and children are constantly together, they may start to feel like they can predict each others' behaviours correctly, leading to a lack of effort in maintaining a positive relationship. For example, a parent who always knows exactly how his/ her child will react to a particular situation may start to take the child's feelings for granted, rather than making an effort to understand and respond to his/ her needs. In the same vein, familiarity can make a child not to budge when the parent is calling him/ her to do domestic chores. Rather, the child decides to fold the hands and sit complacently in a reclining chair cross-leggedly. 

Another way that familiarity can affect parent-child relationships is through accumulation of unresolved conflicts. When parents and children are constantly together, they may have more opportunities for disagreements and conflicts. If those conflicts are not resolved in a healthy manner, they can lead to resentment and bitterness. For example, a parent who consistently dismisses his/ her child's feelings or concerns may create a sense of hurt or anger that can be difficult to overcome. In some cultures, such as Japan, respect for elders, authority, and traditions is deeply ingrained. In these cultures, parents may be accorded a high level of respect and deference, regardless of their behaviours and lifestyles. However, even in these cultures, familiarity can still breed contempt if parents and children do not make a concerted effort to maintain relationships. In contrast, in some Western cultures, take the United States for an example, there is often a greater emphasis on individuality and self-expression. In these cultures, parents and children may be more likely to have open and honest conflicts which can be beneficial for building stronger relationships if handled constructively. 

To mitigate the negative effects of familiarity on parent-child relationships, parents can make an effort to prioritize quality time with their children, engage in activities that promote bonding and connection, and model healthy communication and conflict resolution skills. By so doing, parents can help to build a strong and positive relationships with their children, even in the face of familiarity.

In conclusion, familiarity can indeed breed contempt in parent-child relationships if not managed properly. Dr. Sanjeev Trivedi said, "If familiarity breeds contempt, what can intimacy do?" There are two key words in Dr. Sanjeev Trivedi's statement. One is familiarity, whilst the other one is intimacy. What are the meanings of familiarity and intimacy? What is familiarity? Familiarity refers to a state of being well-known or acquainted to someone or something, often resulting from repeated visits, interactions, and experiences. Familiarity can breed a sense of comfort and understanding. One of its major characteristics is taking things for granted. What is intimacy? Intimacy refers to a close personal connection or relationship characterized by mutual understanding, trust, and emotional closeness. It involves feeling seen, heard, and valued by another person, and it can be emotional, physical, or even both. So, we can see that intimacy is much, much higher than familiarity in human relationships. Now, if ordinary familiarity and peripheral association with friends, colleagues, and associates, can breed contempt or negligence, intimacy can wreak more havoc. It can breed more contempt or negligence that familiarity!

The lesson is that, parents can love their children unreservedly. But, parents' love for their children should not serve as a landing pads for permissive, negligent, over-indulgent, and helicopter parenting. These categories of parents mentioned here are like weak acids which cannot react in a chemical reaction. Strong acids like hydrochloric acid and sulphuric acids are very effective anytime and anywhere. But, weak acids like oleic acid are dead and inactive. Why? It is because strong acids have limited or few hydrogen atoms, while weak or heavy acids have so many hydrogen atoms which make them inactive. Acids with many hydrogen atoms are weak while those with few hydrogen atoms are exceedingly active in chemical reactions. Permissive parents, as the name implies, permit their children to do everything they want to do. No boundaries and limits. No dos and don'ts. They raise children known for their excesses and gluttony. Negligent parents are like permissive parents but they differ very slightly. Over-indulgent parents cannot raise useful children too. The helicopter parents that worship their children like a deity are not good parents too. All these categories of parents are found in the global society. Their children commit all forms of societal vices and crimes since their parents cannot talk to them at home to behave well. They do not want to offend them. They do not want their children to die. They born good children but through useless parenting approaches allow them to turn into impenitent demons which burn the society with petrol. For example , if my children are not armed robbers and terrorists, and yours are not, who will be armed robbers and terrorists? None! If you raise good children and another raises thorns and briers, they will meet together in the mesosystem (schools) and corrupt themselves there. However, by prioritizing quality time, communication, and conflict resolution, parents can build a strong and positive relationships with their children that can withstand the challenges of familiarity. Therefore, it is up to the parents to make frantic efforts to maintain  positive relationships with their children, even as they grow and develop over time. By so doing, they can create a lifetime bond that is based on mutual respect, trust, and affection. Parents' relationships with their children should not be intimate to the degree where they cannot warn them to desist from evil activities. Do not love your child to the point where that child despises your orders and treats your instructions with outright defiance and disdain. 

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