Illusion Of Single Motherhood

 Single motherhood (or single mother parenting) has become increasingly prevalent worldwide. Very often, single motherhood is portrayed as a viable and empowering choice for women who feel that they are superior to men. What is single motherhood? It succinctly refers to a family structure where a parent, typically a mother, raises one or more children alone without the support of a partner or spouse. This can result from various circumstances, ranging from divorce to separation, death of a partner, or choice, and it often presents unique challenges and responsibilities for the single mother. Beneath the surface of single motherhood or single mother parenting, lies complex  layers of challenges and consequences that affect not only the mothers themselves but also their children and society at large. At its core, single motherhood refers to a family structure where a mother raises her child or children without the support of a partner or spouse. As earlier stated, the causes of single motherhood are death of a partner, divorce, separation, or even a choice. There are cases where women may choose single mothers through assisted reproduction (surrogacy) or adoption. However, in many cases, single motherhood is a result of circumstances beyond a woman's control, such as poverty, lack of education, or limited access to family planning resources. To me, from the way some divorced young women and other extended female teenagers talk about divorce and separation, and their readiness to successfully live alone without husbands, it seems that they were already prepared for divorce before tying the nuptial cords. This category of single parents do not see anything good in living under the same roof with anyboby called "husband." Their position is that child-bearing is the only benefit from marriage. It means that once they have a child or children from any relationship, they become free to leave their husbands and travel randomly from the Northern to the Southern Poles, and from the Southern Pole to the Northern Pole again. But, I told them that it is entirely irrational to go into marriage with a man who sincerely wishes to remain in marriage, whereas his wife does not want it. They should have stayed out of marriage and still have their children without betraying those men who never wanted to divorce their wives, but their wives abandoned them without good reasons. What is their gain for living alone? To me, their greatest gain is their liberty to go anywhere they like, do whatever they like, and come back home anyday, anytime they want to do so, without anyone raising the eyebrows. When they were divorcing their husbands, they knew too well that they were going to have affairs with men, especially those men who are married. They prefer men outside their homes to those husbands living with them. That's a paradox! Their libertinism is excessive.

As single motherhood becomes more common across the latitudes of the world, it is essential to examine its impact on children's development. Infallible research has consistently shown that children raised in single-parent households face unique challenges that can impact on their development. Children of single mothers are more likely to experience emotional and behavioral problems, struggle academically, destitution of moral upbringing, and most times have lower self-esteem. For example, a study in the United States found that children of single mothers were more likely to drop out of schools and engage in delinquent activities. Similarly, in the United Kingdom, research has shown that children from single-parent families were more likely to experience poverty and social exclusion. They are also vulnerable to substance abuse and premarital sexual affairs. The daughters of single mothers are always one inch away from teenage pregnancy and abortion. I once met two teenagers differently, not above 12 years old respectively, who gave me some startling information about their mothers. One of them disclosed to me that his mother always brings condoms to the house. The child also told me that his mother poises nude and videos herself and sends the videos to someone abroad in order to receive payments. Another teenager told me that the mother leaves home by 10pm in the night and returns home around 5am the next day, leaving the little child alone throughout the eerie nights. These challenges can be attributed to lack of stable, two-parent households, which can provide emotional support, financial stability, inculcation of moral instructions, and a sense of security for children. According to Albert Bandura's Social Learning Theory, children learn by observing and imitating their parents, caregivers, and the larger society. If those two teenagers whom I mentioned their gory experiences above should imitate their whorish and promiscuous single mothers' lifestyles, they will end up becoming adults without moral values tomorrow. Their single mothers indirectly provided a template and simulation as models for them to emulate. Except by divine interventions, these teenagers will emulate their single mothers lifestyles and resort to harlotry when they reach adulthood. 

The impact of single motherhood on society is far-reaching and complex. Single motherhood can lead to increased immorality, lewdness, and loss of social values in children. It also leads to increased poverty rates, strained social welfare systems, and a higher burden on taxpayers. This is because in many countries of the world, single mothers rely heavily on Government's financial assistance programmes, which can create a cycle of dependency. Furthermore, the clear absence of a father figure in a child's life can immensely contribute to a myriad of social problems, such as crimes, substance abuse, juvenile delinquency, gangsterism, restiveness, armed robbery, cultism, kidnapping, banditry, arsonry, terrorism (aeroplane hijacking), arbitrary killings, and prostitution. For example, in South Africa, the legacy of apartheid regime and migrant labour has contributed to a high rate of single motherhood, which has in turn exacerbated social issues like poverty, increased crime rates, and violence. In Brazil, single motherhood is often associated with poverty and limited access to education and good job opportunities, thereby perpetuating a vicious continuum of disadvantages and social degradations.

The disadvantages of single motherhood are numerous and well-documented. Single motherism is not a joke! It is a necessary evil. It is a harrowing experience whereby a woman is insulted and taken for granted by all and sundry because she does not live with a husband. When she goes to anywhere either for legitimate business or for any reason at all, people will say or think that she went to sleep with a man. She is looked down upon by almost everyone. She is stigmatized. They are regarded as harlots even when they are not! Not only that, they always face significant financial challenges. Poverty and privations stare single mothers at their faces; and they have limited access to resources. They work everyday and every night to make ends meet both for their own sustenance and their child's or children's. They often suffer from emotional stress too. Children of single mothers may struggle with feelings of abandonment, inferiority complex, low self-esteem. They always have low self-worth and difficulties forming healthy relationships. They always feel that other children are better than them. They are unheard and un-sung in the society. In the schools, bullies are after them because they know that they have no father figures to stand for them and demand for justice and equity. In Japan, single motherhood often face social stigmatization and limited support, which can exacerbate the challenges of raising children alone. In India, single mothers are often openly ridiculed because it is a shameful lifestyle or taboo to them. They hate it so much. Single mothers face significant social and economic challenges, chiefly limited access to education, employment, and healthcare delivery services. Here in Nigeria, the story is the same. Most people hate single mothers, especially those of them who desired and chose to live alone and not occasioned by circumstances like death of partners. In Nigeria, approximately 9.5% of young women are single mothers, this translates to a significant number of women shouldering the responsibilities of caring for their children alone. Some characteristics of single mothers in Nigeria are:

1. They are often employed in the informal sector with very low wages and job insecurity.

2. They are subjected to financial instability and poverty (34% of single-parents households in Nigeria live below poverty line.)

3. They face limited access to affordable housing, healthcare delivery systems, and education for their children.

4. They are as well subjected to emotional and mental health challenges, including stress, anxiety, and depression. The 70% of single mothers in Nigeria experience symptoms. 

Here are the ten (10) countries with the highest percentages of single-parent households or single mothers:

1. United States: 25% of children live in single-parent households, with 58.3% of families headed by single mothers, and 15% by single fathers. 

2. Sweden: 24% of households are single-parent families.

3. Norway: 22% of households are single-parent families, with 57% of single women with children into the lowest income group.

4. France: 22% of households are single-parent families, with 6% of adult women aged 25-54 years being single parents.

5. Belgium: 17% of households are single-parent families.

6. Iceland: 19% of households are single-parent families.

7. Slovenia: 20% of households are single-parent families.

8. Denmark: Denmark has high proportion of single mothers, with 57% of single mothers with children in the lowest income group.

9. United Kingdom: 7-8% of households are single-parent families, with 23% of children living in single-parent households according to the study.

10. Latvia: 26% of households are single-parent families, with a significant percentage of single mothers.

These figures provide a general idea of the prevalence of single-parent households in these countries. 

In conclusion, the illusion of single motherhood masks the complex challenges and consequences that affect mothers, children, and society. To some women, single motherhood was caused by circumstances beyond their control, whilst to others, it was a choice of lifestyles. From whatever angle or perspective we may look at it, single motherhood is not a comfortable situation at all! Single motherhood is fraught with potential risks and disadvantages. By understanding the causes and impact of single motherhood, we can work towards supportive policies and programmes that promote healthy family structures and provide resources for single mothers and their children. Moreso, it is crucial to recognize the values of stable and two-parent households and work towards creating a society that supports families in all forms, acknowledging the unique challenges and needs of single motherhood and their children.

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