Husband's Mother Ejected From House, Wife's Parents Came For Her Replacement

 It is generally believed across cultures that adult children are indebted to take proper care of their aged parents. Adult children should be responsible for feeding, sheltering, clothing, and giving medical treatments to their aged parents, if they have the means to do so. However, certain complex family dynamics can lead to difficult decisions and scenarios which one might deem absurd and painful to family members. For example, a couple drove away the husband's aged mother from their matrimonial home in the city, only for that couple to bring the wife's two parents from the hinterland to the city to replace the ejected one. When I heard of it, I began to wonder why such untold evil should take place in this world. No respect. No loyalty. No values. No remembrance of the bond that used to hold them together. 

On the one hand, the involved couple may have had very strong reasons that informed their decision to eject the husband's aged mother, and to bring in the wife's parents from the village as a replacement to husband's mother. Could it be that the husband's mother posed a life threat to the couple's lives and source of livelihood? If the answer is "Yes.", does it have an empirical proof? Are they sure that the old woman is evil! Or, was it one of those speculations or accusatory words against innocent people? Was that action necessary for the couple's well-being and safety? The manner in which the couple did it, ejecting an old woman, and immediately bringing the wife's parents to replace her is suggestive of something sinister! Their action was both hurtful and dismissive. There is nothing to show that there existed a mother-child relationship between the husband and his ejected mother. There is nothing to prove that the husband ever benefited anything from his mother. If he did not benefit any material thing from his mother, what about the obvious fact that he was born by that mother and nourished and cared for by her? This action may be rightly perceived as a rejection of the husband's family, heritage, and a prioritization of wife's family over the husband's. 

In many cultures, family ties are deeply valued, and so, such actions shall be considered as a stark betrayal. Is it not possible for this level of betrayal to dissuade parents from investing their resources in their children's education? In contrast, some Western cultures prioritize individualism and space, which might invariably lead to a more pragmatic approach to family relationships. In fact, even in those cultures, the action of the couple against the husband's old mother is strongly condemned. That action was extremely hurtful and insensitive. The impact of the ejection of the husband's mother from the couple's matrimonial home cannot be gainsaid. It was an evil deed against the old woman from whatever perspectives we may look at it. If an old mother is ejected from the house by her own biological son, then who is going to receive her into a house? It could amount to a devastating experience to her, leading to feelings of isolation, loneliness, and rejection. It can even be more painful to the ejected old woman when she realizes that her daughter-in-law's old parents were immediately brought from the hinterland to replace her in the city. This action may exacerbate her feelings, making it more harder for her to heal and move forward. Bringing both parents of her son's wife to that same house where she was booted out indicates that she was not ejected due to lack of resources in the couple's family. Something else was responsible for that action. 

The action of the couple was indicative of their own values and priorities. While they may have had valid reasons for their decisions, the manner in which they executed it was so hurtful and damaging to the husband's aged mother. Pundits said that blood is thick than  water. That means, family relationships should be treated with utmost respect and care because nobody knows tomorrow. The action of the husband (son of the old woman) did not recognize the fact that blood is thicker than water. He behaved like a fool which he truly is! Is he not going to have children? Would he not grow old? How does he want his own children to treat him at ripe old age? Obviously, his children will deal with him exactly as he dealt with his own mother Quad Erat Demonstratum (QED). Parental estrangement is one the evil behaviours that is trendy in our time, particularly in the Western world. Do you believe that it is not good to labour in vain? Permit me to ask this salient question, "Why should parents labour in vain? Why are they often betrayed by their children? Why are they stabbed at the back by unthoughtful and ungrateful children? The parents give birth to children. They feed them from the cradle to adolescence, or even beyond that, in some cases. They shelter them. They clothe them. They wash their clothes from time to time. They train them in schools out of the meagre salaries they earn or from the resources that they have. They take the children to hospitals when they are sick for treatment. They pay their bills. In some cases, they would be asked to donate blood for them. They waste so much resources and sacrifice their comforts for their children's well-being. In several cases, they borrow money and food for their children. Very often, they are disgraced by the people whom they borrowed money and food from and gave to their children because of their insolvency. They are not fools! They are planting with the hope to reap in future when their children become successful adults. Some can go as far as doing absurd things to generate money to feed their children. They believe that in future when they are old, weak, and frail, they will fall back to their children who owe them love and care. Now, if the child does not reciprocate the kindness and love to the parents when they need it most, what do you think will be the fate of such parents? 

It is possible for your parents to misbehave or fail in their responsibilities to you. But, before crucifying them, consider thoroughly the conditions or circumstances under which they failed short of your expectations. Human beings are vulnerable to foibles. Parents are not exceptions. Mother-in-laws, in particular, destroy most marriages across the world. I know some young men and women who wanted to marry partners whose parents are dead. This is intended to avoid the problems always created by mother-in-laws. They sow so much discords between husbands and wives. They coerce their sons and daughters into dealing with their partners the way their own husbands and wives dealt with them, not minding the fact that their own time has passed and is forgotten. Some foolish husbands (sons) and wives (daughters) blindly love their parents such that they can go down into the graves through their bad advices. So many marriage relationships are killed by parents, especially the greedy mother-in-laws. Some, after bringing the partners heads together take part physically in the fight. All of us know it. I know one father who gave his daughter poison to give his son-in-law in Port Harcout, Rivers State, Nigeria, in 1986. Initially, the young woman refused totally. Her father persisted and lied to her that it was a strong concoction to make her husband love her more than before. At that time, the husband of the woman was a manager in a big German  company called Adrien Volker Nigeria Ltd. She took it hesitantly from her father little-knowing that her husband was only an inch away from death. When her husband returned from work that evening, she served him food, and laced the food with the substance. Immediately her husband ate it, he vomited blood and died. Yes, parents can be good and bad. Some of them can do unbearable things in their children's relationships. 

Yet, I candidly speak against parental estrangement: ejecting aged parents out of their children's houses. If you drive your aged father or mother out of your house, where do you want him or her to go for accommodation? Very often, we hear of medical doctors, engineers, lawyers, accountants, and highly successful business moguls in the Western world driving away old parents from their houses because their husbands or wives advised them to do so. That is simply analogous to betrayal! Come to think of it, what would have been your status in the world without your parents assistance? Your partner whom you always obey would not surely have married you if your parents whom you neglected had not invested money in your education. Don't you know that? Would your partner have married you without being educated by your parents? You are a very damned mischievous man or woman to drive your old parent out of your house because one useless woman or man advised you to do so! When a system gives to you, give back to that system even if that system is bad. Life is quid pro quo. What you give is commensurable to what you receive! You did not reject the school fees because your father or mother is evil. You did not reject the food given to you by witches and wizards parents and caregivers. You lived in their houses without realizing that they are witches and wizards. When you fell sick, they paid hospital bills for you. Did you not see your parents at one time or the other borrowing money for your sake? Didn't you see them? It is possible that you received assistance from parents who are witches and wizards. Yes, it may be so. But, you didn't complain about it. Now that it is your own turn to reciprocate or pay back to them as they did to you, one useless woman that you call a wife or one useless man you call a husband is dissuading you from giving back to those who helped you when you came to this world. What I am telling you is that, you are deeply indebted to your aged parents whether they are Satan himself or not. As long as you received from them, give back to them with respect, love, and kindness. If not, your own children will also push you out their houses. 

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